Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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