I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
