I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
