i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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