Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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