Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
