she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
