I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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