I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
false alarm. still invincible.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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