i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
