I can text with my tongue
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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