I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
