She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
