The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
