Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
