i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize