dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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