he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
