I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize