Are we in a gay sports bar?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize