I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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