I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize