His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
