Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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