You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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