Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
