What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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