I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
