Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
