My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When did angry sex become our thing?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
