We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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