He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
