Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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