Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
