You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
