When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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