It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
