So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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