I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
