I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
