So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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