I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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