My first STD was from a foam party
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Randomize
