aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
