I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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