A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
