$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
