do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
