the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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