Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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