We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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