Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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