it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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