My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
