Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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