Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I need to align my fucking chakras
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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