ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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