Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
