your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
