I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
