Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
