Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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