Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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