I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
