I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
