is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
