dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
not ubering you a puppy
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
