I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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