i just made my gag reflex go away.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize