Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
