I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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