so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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