I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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