WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
