And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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