Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
