Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
