very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
