i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
True strength comes from lack of pants
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
