guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
