matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
