I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
