the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
