k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
