The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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