Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
