All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
