john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
