Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You pole danced in your parka.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
His nipple licking is glorious
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize